HELPFUL ANSWERS to New York questions:
Q1. "Can I get mesquite smoked chicken?" A1. "No. Just charcoal chicken."
Q2. "So I could order and pay for the pizza online in Ireland and have it delivered to a hotel in Manhattan?" A2. "All we need is a good credit card."
Q3. "What are the largest ads in the Irish papers sold on the east side?" A3. "The ones for the immigration attorneys."
Q4. "Who would win in a duel of cellphones--Russell Crowe or Naomi Campbell?" A4. "Russell Crowe, because he is the smaller target and because he can throw phones around corners."
Q5. "Do you have a computer in your bag, sir?" asked the TSA security-minded employee at the airport. A5. "No," I said, knowing few people consider the Nokia 9500 Communicator or the Sony Clie or the Nokia N70 cameraphones to be computers even though they check my mail, read my documents, and connect my life more reliably than a laptop. I could launch a missile with the Nokia 9500--friends have done that with theirs. The small form factors of the little guys keep you moving through security checkpoints without being unzipped. And they can also get into the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia without being confiscated.