REGULAR READERS know I'm a fan of Problem-Oriented Medical Records. I work with an ICT programme specialist who has plans to enhance the IT support structure for Irish medicine. A few days ago, I read about Scoble discovering an electronic cow in a hospital. If these things interest you too, here is a listing of slang guaranteed to help you understand your charts the next time you're in hospital.
* 3H enema - Enema that is "high, hot, and a hell of a lot." Reputedly given to patients who give staff a hard time.
* 10th Floor Transfer - dying (floor number is always the next number on from the highest floor in the hospital).
* (Acute Lead Poisoning) Air-conditioned - Multiple gun shot wounds.
* ALS - Absolute Loss of Sanity (nutcase)
* AQR - Ain't Quite Right.
* AST - Assuming Seasonal Temperature (dead).
* BMW - Bitch Moan & Whine.
* Bugs in the rug - pubic lice.
* Bury the Hatchet - accidently leave a surgical instrument inside a patient.
* Chocolate Hostage - constipated.
* CRAFT - Can’t Remember A F*cking Thing.
* Eating In - Intravenous feeding.
* FTD - Fixing To Die.
* God's Waiting Room - intensive care unit and/or geriatric unit.
* Hi 5 - HIV positive ("V" being Roman for 5).
* Incarceritis - becoming dubiously ill when arrested or in court.
* Negative Wallet Biopsy - (US) patient transferred to cheaper hospital because of a lack of funds or no insurance coverage.
* OB/GYN - actually means Obstetric/Gynaecology, rumoured to mean "Oh Boy-Got You Naked".
* OPD - Obnoxious Personality Disorder.
* Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up.
* Rule of Five - if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance.
* Stream team - urology dept.
View the complete list at the Messy Beast.
