A VIGILANT GARDAI patrol car in South Tipp picked up on a man leaving his local so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The auld hurler stumbled around the car park for a few minutes. The Garda in his car watched quietly. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the headlights.
The car jerked forward a little, reversed slowly and stalled. It remained stationary for a few minutes more as some other vehicles left the car park. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.
The Garda, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test.
To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all.
Dumbfounded, the Garda said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the old guy knowingly. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy".
From the South Tipp canteen.