Bernie Goldbach in Cashel | Screenshot from Mashable.
I HAVE STARTED preparing for the day when I discover porn in the browsing history of our pre-teen's tablets. I've asked for background research from my Audioboo community.
I know that one of the biggest mistakes I could make is to punish a young person when discovering evidence of pornography sites or sexting. Taking away a teen's computer because they were exploring "may send the message that sexual feelings and exploration are wrong and bad" advise sex education teachers. "Rather, as a parent your intent needs to be to instill a healthy view of sex and belief that sexual desire and exploration of sexual thoughts and feelings are healthy". That's the advice of Pediatrics for Parents.
If I read behind the bylines of recent Irish broadsheets, it seems that mothers often think their sons are on the road to sexual deviancy and that teens looking at porn is inappropriate. Men--fathers-- often think their son’s behavior makes sense. But those data points are anecdotal.
I know from the sex education literature (and from a lot of cross-talk enjoyed by SpunOut in the Irish media) that it is very normal and healthy for a teenage boy to desire to look at naked bodies. There are normal physiological sensations arising through visual stimulation in men. And young men are curious.
From my personal experience, growing up with four brothers and helping run a Boy Scout troop, I know that teenage boys like to look at naked bodies. As a parent in the 21st century, I'm always challenging what I should do. I have less than 10 years to figure out a strategy.
I tend to trust psychologists who advise a three part strategy on the heels of discovering porn (or sexting) in the personal space of a young teen.
"First, discuss with your teenage son that you saw that a pornographic site was saved in the history on the computer so you know that he accessed it. Assure him that is normal to want to look at these sites and perhaps experience sexually arousing feelings. Dialoguing with your son in a nonjudgmental manner helps you to connect with him and make the point that sexual feelings are normal.
"Second, explain to your son that along with the normalcy of his desires, as a parent you recognize how spending time on the computer with sexually explicit and stimulating material can impact how the viewer may be influenced to view a sexual relationship in a way that may not be reality because of the fantasy images that are put on the site. This discussion should include the exploration of the idea that an emotionally and physically safe, and healthy, sexual relationship may not be what is displayed on the site (or is it?).
"Further discuss that you understand there are different types of sites and wonder what he understands of the types of sites. This open dialogue will help you to open up your son’s mind to thinking about that there are different ways of experiencing sex. Also, this discussion can allow you to explore and uncover your son’s view of sex and what he is looking at so you can help him with his thoughts and feelings.
"Finally, discuss that you would like to team up with him to figure out together how not to let his albeit normal curiosity and interest negatively affect his personal growth and sexual health journey."
Personally, I worry that porn viewing can evolve into singluar escapism. Instead of developing a lifelong music listening habit or taking up some sport, a porn addiction can lead to an inability to confront conflicts. Besides, it's very easy for a young mind to slip into a zone inhabited by well-practised predators.
If you're a regular reader of my blog and want to help me form my judgment, please leave a comment on one of the many social channels I use. I'm @topgold on many good social networks.
Karen Ruskin -- "Teens and Porn" from Pediatrics for Parents retrieved on March 26, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/teens-and-porn/
Bernie Goldbach teaches emerging trends in technology as part of a creative multimedia degree programme at the Limerick Institute of Technology. Part of the current academic term discussed why there's no safe sexting app available in the Irish iTunes Store. You can get MountainDev's safe sexting app only by spoofing your way into the US Store.
